Consider the following screenplay, coming soon to your local multiplex. It’s all true, at least mostly so.
SCENE: the IRS regional office, a rather tatty-looking office next to a hamburger stand near the public library.
ENTER: PAUL, a fairly young, casually dressed white male. He looks around and spots a window in one wall.
ZOOM SHOT: zooming through the window reveals three female IRS employees, two with their back toward the window.
PAUL waits patiently while the three carry on an animated conversation. He shifts to the right to get into the line of sight of EMPLOYEE 3, the one employee who’s facing him.
EMPLOYEE 1: Can I help you?
PAUL: Yes, I need a transcript of my 2000 tax return.
EMPLOYEE 2: (walks over) Where’s your yellow ticket?
EMPLOYEE 1: Yes, you need a yellow ticket– they’re over there.
CUT SHOT: pile of yellow slips sit on a small table near the door.
PAUL walks over and picks up a yellow slip.
CLOSE-UP: we see that the yellow slip has a bunch of IRS gobbledegook, but that there’s a place for arrival time. PAUL fills that in and walks back to the counter.
EMPLOYEE 2: OK, sir, how can we help you?
PAUL: (a bit exasperated) I need a transcript of my 2000 tax return.
EMPLOYEE 2: May I see some ID?
PAUL produces a drivers’ license and waits patiently as EMPLOYEE 2 walks out of frame. EMPLOYEE 1 faces her desk and works. EMPLOYEE 3 eats a breakfast pastry with relish. Three minutes go by.
EMPLOYEE 2: (passing stack of papers over) Here you go, sir. Do you need anything else?
PAUL: That was un-freaking-believable. The IRS got me what I needed in under five minutes, with reasonable friendliness. I’m proud to be an American!
EMPLOYEES 1, 2, 3: (chorus) The IRS is here to help!
Exit PAUL, whistling “The Star-Spangled Banner”.
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