The ants go marching…

News flash from CENTCOM-North: This morning, we’ve had a two-pronged attack, with the First Ant Infantry attacking to either side of the front door and driving through the living room and the Red Ant Commantdo mounting an all-out assault on the dining room wall. This is clearly part of a large-scale offensive, since our HQ is also under attack.
Intelligence reports tell us that the ants have attacked in hopes of securing a reliable supply of vegetable oil, and that a rebel band of toddlers led by the elusive Subcomandante Matthew has been depositing supply caches in key locations. However, we are counterattacking vigorously with a defensive belt of ant traps, backed by precision strikes from Arlene’s shoe. We expect to blunt the attack in the next 24-36 hours, then establish a defensive perimeter to prevent further incursions.