A little learning is a dangerous thing..

However, a little natural gas in the fireplace is a helluva lot more dangerous.
I decided to test our gas fireplace to make sure it worked properly. I opened the damper, checked it for instructions, cranked the gas valve halfway open, stuck the piezoelectric igniter under the andirons, and pulled the trigger. Whoomp! A big ol’ fireball came out, neatly depliating my right hand and scaring the fool out of me. There’s still a noticeable aura of burned hair around me. On the positive side, David (who was watching) is a lot more respectful of the fireplace now.